The holiday season is typically a difficult time for people in general. There is nothing quite like the stressors of hosting feisty family members, trying to figure out a budget for purchasing gifts, and watching routines and habits get thrown by the wayside, all because it’s the holiday season! For those who tend to travel during the holidays, that’s a whole other level of headaches and heartaches to contend with. Holiday travel can stir up a lot of emotions in the best of times, but for those who have suffered the loss of a loved one, the journey can feel even more complicated and messy.
All that is familiar, such as airports, car rental companies, and towns that were once a place we called home, seem to look the same. We see people who seem to move with ease and excitement as they make their way through TSA lines and baggage claim. And yet what you see is very different. You are burdened by having to carry a weight that others cannot see. There is the heartache of now having an empty seat beside you on the airplane, or no longer having your person help you navigate through a new city. Loss feels like it has seeped into every nook-and-cranny of airplanes, hotel rooms, restaurants, and even your luggage. Your story of loss has fundamentally changed your perspective and travel can heighten emotions that are already raw and tender.
Traveling, especially during the holidays, doesn’t have to feel like something you survive. Your trip should help you thrive and hopefully lift your spirits. With a focus on intention, extending grace to yourself, and giving yourself plenty of time, your trip can become a meaningful part of your healing and recovery. Traveling can be a gentle reminder that life keeps moving forward and that you’re allowed to move with it.
I have put together some tips to help you to travel well during the holidays when grief is part of the luggage you carry.
1. Build in More Time Than You Think You Need
When you’re grieving, everything takes more energy. Even the simplest tasks can feel monumental. Packing, getting out the door (with everything we need), finding parking, navigating lines, and moving through crowds can feel daunting. Add holiday chaos on top of that, and it’s so easy to feel overwhelmed. Give yourself extra time. What used to take you only an hour, now you should allow yourself at least an hour-and-a-half or two hours. With ‘grief brain,’ moving at breakneck speed can cause you to forget important details. The loss of my husband happened two years ago and my ability to recall things still lags. I have to intentionally make myself slow down. I also have to set reminders on my phone and leave sticky notes on the counter so I don’t forget important tasks.
Let your pace be slower. Moving slowly and without pressure can make the journey feel less like a race.
2. Pack with Purpose, Not Perfection
Grief has a way of consuming mental space, and sometimes packing feels like climbing a steep and rocky trail. I have become more intentional in the way that I pack now. Before my loss, I could throw clothes and shoes into a suitcase and easily come up with outfits. Now, a jumbled suitcase only causes my brain to feel overloaded. Pinterest lists and packing cubes have become my new best friends. Pinterest helps me choose outfits and items to pack according to the destination or the time of year that I am traveling. Packing cubes keeps it all organized.
It's also helpful to pack a few items that will help ground you when you feel a wave a grief approaching. Items that have helped me are a small fuzzy blanket, a piece of jewelry that carries meaning (for me that is a special necklace that my husband gave me), a small water coloring book, a notebook to write down thoughts, and a printed photo. All of these things have provided me comfort on flights and in hotel rooms where I tend to feel the most alone.
Pack things that comfort you. Pack clothes that work best for you. And if you forget something? With overnight shipping on Amazon, or same/next day pick-up services at big box stores, you can almost always replace the item.
3. Create Small Moments of Calm
Travel can be overstimulating, and grief often amplifies that feeling. Look for moments of quiet wherever you can find them. I look for spaces that are tucked away in the corners of an airport. That could look like an empty gate, a corner table at a restaurant or coffee shop.
Before you walk inside a location to greet family or friends, give yourself a moment of silence and practice some breathwork in your car. Allow yourself a minute to breathe, feel the emotions, pray, or simply be. These pauses will help regulate stress responses in your body.
4. Expect Flexibility with Plans and with Yourself
Holiday travel is notorious for delays and unexpected changes. On a good day, delays can send us into a tailspin. If you are carrying grief, unexpected changes can feel devastating, especially if plans have to be cancelled.
Give yourself flexibility with your emotional responses as well. You might feel joy one moment and then hit with deep sadness or frustration the next. You might feel excited to see loved ones and then suddenly feel overwhelmed with grief by the empty chair at the table. Being flexible with your plans is important, but being flexible with yourself is crucial.
5. Notice the Small Gifts Along the Way
In the first few months following the loss of my husband, I felt lost in a sea of grief. My therapist gave me an assignment that felt nearly impossible at times. She told me to write down three things I was thankful for each day. She said that anything could count. I didn’t have to list something that was profound. A morning drop of dew on a blade of grass, or the cardinal on my birdfeeder could count. She wanted me to try and find these small gifts of joy each day.
A gratitude list won’t erase the pain, but the things you write down will remind you that beauty still weaves itself through different aspects of your life. Those small things may be what brings you joy and hope. While you are traveling, keep a list of new experiences or sites that bring you comfort, peace, or happiness.
Traveling during the holidays after loss can be difficult. It requires a lot from you. But, traveling can also be a chance to honor your loved one, create new and meaningful memories, or simply find your footing in a season that looks different now. I would like to encourage you to move forward with planning a trip, even if it’s a day trip to another part of town. The distance doesn’t matter as much as the experience does. Move forward with gentleness and care. Build in time to rest. Let your emotions be a travel mate, and allow yourself the opportunity to experience new places as part of your journey of healing.
